Men in Dresses
by draco-is-the-punk
Summary: What happens when you cross James Potter Jr and friends, a dozen bottles of Firewhisky, and some pretty ball gowns...?
1. Chapter 1

This is a challenge fic from Moogle in Enchanted Sanctum, the site I go on (go to my profile page for the web address) It was born from an RPG thread where my character James Potter (Jr.) and OCs Ifrin, Jared and Kean were drinking in the Hog's Head.

THE CHALLENGE

James, Jared and Kean get drunk in the Hog's Head and Jared keeps his promise in finding them ball dresses to wear. (Unfortunately he gets put in one too).

What you must have:

Lines:

1: "I told you all the hot guys wouldn't like me if I was wearing pink."

2: "I'm too sexy for this dress." (Like the song, "I'm too sexy", lol)

Things that must appear once:

1: A chicken

2: A male who wants to flirt with "Jamie"


	2. Chapter 2

James Potter sighed as he finished yet another bottle of Firewhisky. He looked around groggily for another bottle, but the last one was being drunken by Kean.

"You guys drunk all the booze!" he grumbled. "If… Ifrin… go get us some more!"

Ifrin looked at his friends in amusement.

"I think you have had enough." he told them. Jared was resting his head on the table and Kean had just managed to drop the last precious bottle, spilling its contents over the floor.

"KEAN!" James said angrily "That's our last bottle!"

He got unsteadily to his feet and then collapsed in a heap while the others laughed at him.

"You… you just…" Kean giggled "...fell over."

"Wow…" James said, lying on his back in a puddle of Firewhisky. "The ceiling looks so nice from down here."

Jared glanced up at the ceiling and then started laughing uncontrollably. Ifrin started to wish he was drunk as well; life wasn't nearly as fun when sober.

"I wouldn't stay on that floor for too long." he told James "It doesn't look very clean."

"You're just jealous of my floor! You want it all to yourself!" James said angrily, sitting up and banging his head on the corner of the table.

"Owww…." he groaned, while Ifrin snorted with laughter. Then a noise behind them made them turn around. Kean was standing triumphantly in front of the table, clutching a squawking chicken and smiling broadly.

"Look what I found!" he said excitedly. Ifrin gaped at the blonde Hufflepuff.

"Where…?" he asked weakly. Jared clapped his hands together.

"Ooh, that is so cool! I wanna chicken! Ifrin, I want a chicken!"

"Nobody is having a chicken!" Ifrin said sternly. Kean smirked smugly, but then the chicken in his arms bit him and he dropped it on the floor.

"Hey! Bad chicken…" he said, pouting. Ifrin shook his head dazedly.

"Where on Earth did you get a chicken from??" he asked. Kean wobbled on the spot, his forehead furrowed in concentration. Then a shouting man answered Ifrin's question.

"Where's my bloody chicken, you drunken fool!" the barman demanded. Kean looked confused.

"What?" he asked. Ifrin pointed out of the open door.

"Uh, it ran that way." he said shiftily. The barman's eyes popped, a vein throbbing in his temple.

"Who's that crazy man?" Jared asked into the silence.

"OUT!!" the barman shouted, grabbing Ifrin and Kean and propelling them out of the door. He marched back into the pub and grabbed James and Jared, shoving them out of the door and slamming it behind them. They fell into Kean and Ifrin and ended up in a tangled heap on the cobbles. Kean laughed from the bottom of the pile, and Ifrin struggled out, looking quickly around for anybody he knew. The others were too drunk to care.

"I can't get up!" James giggled. Ifrin raised an eyebrow.

"That's because Jared is lying on your chest." he informed his friend. The others all burst into helpless laughter.

"Oooh!" Kean snorted "Sounds intriguing! I want a go!"

Ifrin shook his head with a smile.

"But both James and Jared are on you." he reminded him. Kean smirked.

"Aren't I the lucky one?" he asked. All three of them laughed and Ifrin sighed.

"Hey, look at that pretty dress!" Jared said, pointing up the road to a small shop. Ifrin suddenly grinned, struck with inspiration.

"You know, I think we ought to pay that shop a visit." he said. He pulled Jared and James off Kean and helped all three of them to their feet. Kean swayed on the spot, singing to himself, and Ifrin herded his inebriated friends towards the shop. Jared was laughing, joining in with Kean's song. Both were hopelessly out of tune.

"What can I do for you?" asked a bored looking shop assistant, twirling a tape measure around his fingers.

"We want to be fitted for dresses!" Jared said suddenly. Ifrin raised his eyebrows. This was much too easy. The assistant's eyes lit up, and he beckoned them inside.

"Follow me please." he said.

"I don't want a dress." Ifrin said hastily as he followed his friends into the shop.

"Spoilsport." Kean said with a laugh, almost crashing into a mannequin. "Whoops."

The shop assistant flicked his wand and sent tape measures whizzing around the boys. Ifrin sat down, holding in his laughter as his friends were fitted out. He was surprised that the shop assistant wasn't asking any questions about measuring three boys who could barely stand up for ball gowns. But he supposed that it must be pretty boring fitting out stuffy witches all day. The guy must welcome a bit of excitement.

A few minutes later, Ifrin burst out laughing as his friends were led out from behind a screen. Jared was looking off into the distance with a vague expression on his face, wearing a lilac ball gown. James was wearing a short pink dress and was staring at himself in the mirror.

"This dress makes me look fat. The hot guys will never like me in pink." he complained. Ifrin wiped tears of laughter from his eyes as Kean checked out his reflection, smoothing down his blue frock.

"I'm pretty!" he announced proudly. James and Jared both giggled and Ifrin stood up to pay. He knew the price would be worth it.

"Are your friends going to wear their new clothes now?" the assistant asked. When Ifrin nodded, the assistant handed him a bag with their normal clothes in.

"Here." he said, with what Ifrin could have sworn was a roguish wink. He shook his head in bemusement and followed the others out of the shop. Kean was skipping around, pointing at random things and laughing.

"Hey, hey look! Look at that bench! It looks like a bench!" he said. A crowd of Hufflepuff fourth-years going by stared and giggled.

"I'm not with them." Ifrin said as Jared and James started chasing pigeons around the street. He laughed softly.

"They are really going to feel bad in the morning." he smirked as Kean climbed unsteadily onto a bench and blew kisses to passers-by. James was sulking, leaning against a wall.

"Kean's hogging all the attention." he complained "I told you all the hot guys wouldn't like me if I was wearing pink."

Ifrin laughed out loud at that, and wished he had a camera to record this priceless moment.

"Don't worry Jamie." he snorted "I'm sure lots of guys think you look very nice in that dress."

"I don't like my dress either." Jared grumbled "It doesn't match my… uh… eyes."

He walked a few wobbly steps forwards like a girl in her first pair of high heels.

"I'm too sexy for this dress." he announced. Ifrin exploded with laughter.

"I should get you guys drunk more often." he said, as a blonde Ravenclaw boy approached their group.

"Hey." he said, smiling at James and batting his eyelashes. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

Ifrin stepped forwards, shaking with laughter.

"Sorry, he's with me." he said. However funny it may have been, he wasn't mean enough to abandon his intoxicated friend with some stranger. He pulled James away from the disappointed boy and looked around for the others. He swore loudly. Jared was vomiting into a plant tub but where was Kean? He eventually found him flirting clumsily with the guy who had just been rejected by James.

"He's with me too." Ifrin said, grabbing Kean by the front of his dress and pulling him along.

James woke up in his bed with a splitting head ache.

"Oh Merlin…" he groaned, clutching his temples. He pulled back the covers and stumbled into the bathroom. After throwing up violently, he looked up to see Jared at the sink, splashing his face with water and wearing a lilac ball gown. James looked down and saw a small pink dress. He looked at Jared in horror, just as Jared glanced down at his attire and promptly fainted.

"What the hell did we do last night?" James asked.


End file.
